A long obedience in the same direction

Having three children under the age of 10 has taught me so much about being a grown-up...it's about time, I am a 34-year-old woman, not to mention a parent.  But I'm really a kid at heart, and often have to remind myself more than once a day.

Here are some of the kid-friendly things I absolutely love...
 
I love visiting Disney World.  I loved it as a kid, and even today taking my kids back to visit, it never loses it's magic. 

 
 
I love staying up late and partying with my hubby...Nothing says fun like PG-13 movies and popcorn.  Sometimes we get really crazy and even mix Junior Mints or Reese's Pieces with our popcorn...don't judge! 

I love an excuse to eat an entire pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream myself, or any flavor of ice cream for that matter. 
 
I love the excitement, anticipation, and joy of Christmas and the holiday season...maybe because my anniversary is Dec. 22 and my daughter's birthday is Dec. 31. 

I love it when people make a big deal about my birthday...still!  Even though I'm 34!  To this day, it never gets
old. 
 
I love a good dance party with my kids!
 
And I hate it when the fun ends and I have to pick up after the party, or the meal, or the vacation.  It's just not fun! 
 
But I am a mom now, and I never really was any good at being the life of the party anyway.  One of the most important things I've learned about parenting is the importance of being disciplined.  No, I didn't say the importance of discipling (as in my children.)  Although I do believe in that as well.  Spankings are not faux pas in the Graver house. 
 
But I've learned that in order for my children to get the most out of living in my house, I have to run a tight ship...or else everything will run amock.  I like to let loose as much as the next person, but there is only so far I can go with the fun before my 3 very independent, very free-spirited offspring will take the fun to a level I never intended to go.  Can you say, sugar buzz?

See fun for the Graver children = destruction of things, injury of people, no boundaries, no limits, no gravity (if only, my son Ben would be in heaven...literally.)  Call it misplaced aggression or repressed anxiety or misguided creativity...they just don't know when to stop!  It's all fun and games in the Graver house until someone puts their elbow in your eye, or gets a concussion...true story.  Or pulls the ceiling fan down (another true story), or puts a hole in the wall or two or three (I wish I was making these up!) 
 

So whether my parenting skills are sub-par most days or not...most days it's survival of the fittest, and I have to pace myself.  I don't want to disturb the "inner beasts" in my 3 little angels, so I need to keep everything and everyone on task.  All...the....time.  Including my dear husband.  I love my husband and he is super-involved with the kids.  With Jesse, I have almost all the benefits of a stay-at-home Dad, but still have an amazing breadwinner and provider for our family.  The absolute best of both worlds.  But he too has an inner beast that will awaken fairly easily if he does not know certain things will happen in the order they are supposed to happen at the proper times they are to happen (i.e. breakfast, lunch, dinner, bedtime...)

 
Since he is such an amazing dad and hubby, I want him to be happy, and so I do my best each day to keep the monsters out of our house and only dear sweet cherub faces around the table.  I have many approaches to this and each one has its benefits when used effectively...

The no-nonsense do-it-or-else approach...this is a very even tone of voice without even a hint of irritation.  But the underlying tone which is imperceptible to the untrained ear is...if you do not do exactly what you know you are to do in this moment, you will disrupt the order of things as they have been established.  Order is peace in this house, and I am the Peacekeeper.  If you disrupt the Peacekeeper, all heck is about to break loose and you don't want that to happen!! 

The empathy approach...this works best with my middle son, Ben.  It's a very unique tone for each child.  This makes sense because Ben is a very unique child.  It says, I see you, I know you are there, I notice you and I know you do not want to do what is expected of you right now.  But if you do not do what is expected of you right now, you do not want to know what is going to happen to you next.  Oh, and by the way, I love you honey, but I'm not putting up with your crap today!

The "Oh no you didn't" approach...  this one is not one I like to use because it essentially means that I lost the battle.  The tight-ship has a screw loose somewhere and as I emerge from my bedroom from typing an email or making a quick phone call, I walk into absolute pandemonium.  Ella has strown Barbies from here to kingdom come, there is a visible trail of frozen yogurt drips from the freezer to the living room, Ben is climbing on the piano, Joseph is in a TV coma, and they all have eaten through an entire bag of pepperonis.  (Gross, I know...my kids have strange ideas of what snack foods should be.)  There is no time to lose on this shaky ground.  No time to sort out who did what or in what order the events took place, words are trivial at this point.  Justice must be dealt swiftly.  TV off and beds occupied in 30 sec flat.  No protests are heard at this point, and the only recourse is to stare blankly at their 1990's popcorn ceilings and hope and pray that I don't forget they are in time-out, while I'm angrily scrubbing pots and pans in the kitchen and waiting for their dad to come home from work. 

Finally, when all else fails I use...

The I'm a woman and I'm hormonal approach... strangely, I have found that this can work to my advantage if I don't overplay my hand.  Maybe it's because I have two boys, and my oldest son, Joseph has a major aversion to demonstrating emotions openly...(he will deny that he is angry or upset even the in the midst of having an all-out temper tantrum.) But sometimes, I really am too tired to stay calm or show any kind of empathy, and for whatever reason yelling feels like the right thing to do in the moment.  I feel a little aggression when well-placed can be a strong motivator.  So I let it rip, get their attention, then back-down to a high-pitched even tone for the rest of the instruction.  I like to use single words for maximum effect.  It works like administering a little electric shock.   Ex ("Joseph!" "Stop!" "Eat!" "Now!" and of course "No!")  A little jolt to get their attention and keep them guessing. Too much yelling though and they will tune me out.  So I keep it short, sweet and to the point.  Finally, the ultimate secret weapon of women (and I believe moms everywhere) is that I never underestimate the power of tears.   My kids don't really see me cry that often so when it happens, they know it must be bad.  They usually come to comfort me (this might change when they get a little older, but for now it works wonders! wink, wink)  Make no mistake, this approach must be mastered just as each of the others!  Crying has to be the ultimate secret weapon because it reveals frailty, which can be mistaken for weakness!  I know that being a woman is a weapon that must wielded steathily or it can be used against me!! 

 I truly love my children and I am "for them" as a mom.  The most consistent thing I want to do is to show them how much I love them each day.  I want them to wake up every day and go to sleep every night knowing that they are loved and I want the very best for them, despite the challenges of raising children.  They are treasures and I'm so greatful that God has trusted them to Jesse and me. 

But in the meantime, I will keep working on how to tame the "beasts" that lurk just around the corner in the Graver house...be sure to comment with your own parenting tips and suggestions!

Come Away

My beloved spoke and said to me,
    “Arise, my darling,
    my beautiful one, come with me.
See! The winter is past;
    the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
    the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
    is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
    the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
    my beautiful one, come with me.”

Song of Solomon 2:10-13

This has been one of my favorite verses for many years.  It all started the summer of 2000.  So much excitement and anticipation wells up in me when I read this passage!  

So many...

memories...

girlish dreams...

feeling giddy...

having butterflies....

spending afternoons with one special person.  

It captures all my youthful dreams, and it all started as  a summer romance just over 13 years ago.  
 

I was 20 years old, and serving as a camp counselor and summer missionary at a popular youth camp that many churches attend, and I was completely head-over-heels in love.  It was unlike anything I had experienced before.

 

It was not puppy love or a crush, this was the real thing.  It was heart-pounding, extravagant, and passionate.  It was the kind of love that I knew would pursue me and never give up on me.  

 

A love I could rest and be secure in, an enduring love.  A love that was close and intimate, but wild and unpredictable. A love that I knew would be ....forever. 

I came into the summer broken from a relationship that had gone wrong.  I spent two years of my life pursuing this secret relationship, while completely isolating myself from those who cared about me most, my friends and family.  I felt like I was starting over that spring.  I was attending Bible studies at Baptist Collegiate Ministries on campus, and I learned about the opportunity to be a summer missionary.  Hope began to well up in my heart, as I had always loved missions, and I believed God was giving me a chance to start over.  "Come away with me..."


My brokenness was evident to others on my ministry team as I shared my recent relationship struggles openly. There was always a sting of shame when I would share, but I wanted desperately to give other girls strength not to make the same mistakes I made. I felt I had nothing to hide, as I begin to come clean for the first time about my past. I spent intense times of journaling and reading Scripture during that summer. And a few weeks into being at camp, my heart began to feel lighter. 

My innocence and dignity was being restored.  I felt like the woman in John 8, who was caught in adultery. Jesus reveals the true motives of her accusers with the brilliant statement,  "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”  Then they all leave and Jesus and the woman are left alone. 

This is the conversation between them:

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
 "No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Only Jesus and I were there that summer.  There was no accusation, no condemnation, no stones...only forgiveness.  I was accepted, I was loved, I was forgiven.  And I was given even more than that...a chance to start over.  "Come away with me..."  The gift of Jesus' presence with me that summer was more than enough to heal and restore my heart. 

It just so happened that this healing was also a part of bringing a very special person into my life...my future husband!  I met Jesse that same summer while working at camp together. Our love was mostly easy and innocent and full of excitement.  Though at times I would have sabotaged it, God had other plans and by the following December, we were engaged. 
 

So much has happened in my journey since I first heard those words "Come away with me" at a youth camp that summer over 13 years ago.  It was the first time I feel in love.  It was when my journey really began.  I let myself be discovered by the relentless love of my Savior, and I have never stopped feeling butterflies or weak knees over the way He pursues me.   

He has done so much in my life...
Blessed me with a Godly husband who adores me...
Given me three beautiful children...
Brought friends into my life at just the right time...
Lead me into incredible ministries to serve Him...
And the best is yet to come!!

And now over 13 years later...I still feel the same sense of anticipation when I hear these beautiful verses that I experienced as a young broken young woman longing for a fresh start.  "Come away with me." 

 

T